When we become scared, threatened or feel undermined, we attach deep emotional connection to our core, which in turn we can misinterpret this as a personal attacked.

This is when we have allowed our ego to take control which will have an adverse affect on our communication. We may suddenly feel  that we may say the wrong things,  “unable to express ourselves”, or attack in return by becoming sarcastic, abrasive, bitter or resentful. Or in other instances withdrawn.

As soon as our ego detects fear or a slight threat, it awakens to protect us. The ego complicates things, and we could end up saying the worst constructed statement, or cause us to unnecessary escalate a situation.

This is an immediate give away that our confidence needs work, and it starts by detaching to emotional attachment. Failing to do this and we allow our confidence to be held hostage whenever we hear certain words, triggers, or even, become reactive to muscle memory responses.

It does not make us “bad” people because we have insecurities; it just makes us people who have the potential to fix ourselves.

We can either get upset, or we could improve ourselves which will help us to positively improve the way we communicate.

If you aim to express your opinion without refining your words no matter what, you are likely to be the problem behind every argument.

Although everyone is entitled to their opinion, nobody else is entitled to hear it.

If you are that person who will open a statement with “in my opinion…” as a disclaimer you are about to say something profound, you are likely to be the same person who will say “No offence, but…” or “I am not racist, but…”

You could display immediate arrogance that you are right, and that is that. It may come across as abrasive, which is never welcomed.

There may be nothing wrong with your core opinion, but it may come across in the wrong context.

Misaligned context would be like handing an old 1972 map of Alaska to someone while you are both lost in the Sahara Desert. When your map is not accepted, you will maintain that it is a map and it should be acknowledged.

Although it’s a map, it would have been helpful if it was up to date, relevant and had a context to finding a solution. It would certainly frustrate anybody and cause an intense argument.

Opinions have no value if they cannot present a means to an end or find a resolution. If your opponent cannot resonate with your idea, it will frustrate them to no end.

Everyone has the desire to be heard, but when we carefully choose our words, we could have our opponent eating out of our hands.

Addressing sensitive topics with an opinion needs surgical precision to resolve matters. Wordplay counts. It’s just a matter of how you present your opinion and detach from ego. It can then come across as a solution rather than just another “opinion”.

If you are on the receiving end of opinions, no matter how offensive they seem, ignore your urge to react. You know better. Your opponent could experience internal conflict, which you should easily relate to.

We have to be careful about how we address specific topics with our opinions as it could damage a person’s confidence or reputation, or compromise trust.

This will start an adverse reaction where we can come across as arrogant or insensitive.

The easiest way to determine how we address sensitive topics, we can try to approach the following issue:

“Does my bum look big in these jeans?”

The refined method would be to choose words correctly. No matter how massive their bum looks, turn your attention to use words that can cause the least amount of damage as possible.

“Your bum looks great in those OTHER jeans”, is far more positive as it gives the receiver an exit. You direct the subject to the jeans being the problem, not their ass. This will leave them wearing a better cut and still save their confidence at the same time.

Even though their ass looks great, they could already have an underlying insecurity-complex developing where they may think they are “fat”. Save their pain and be tactful. Answering “no, it looks great” does not give affirmation to a resolution or an option towards progression.

Telling the truth “you’re fat”, or “your bum looks huge” does not mean it will have a positive response no matter how “honest” you feel you should be. Just because you are an “honest” person who has an opinion, it does not warrant you the right to hurt someone indirectly.

Saying the wrong thing could give someone a complex. And a complex can take its toll and grow into tremendous pain from just one comment. Someone may want your honest opinion, at the same time they don’t.

It can destroy confidence if presented without tact. No matter how well you think you know that person, you do not know their current state of mind or vulnerability. You do not know what damage your words could impose later.

We need to realise that we get better results from encouragement than discouraging or “positive criticism”. It’s not always about us and what we “feel” we should say. It’s how we would feel if we were on the receiving end.

An opinion does not differ from a hammer. Both can build, or destroy, or become lodged in someone’s head.

There is always a motive and reason behind everything we hear or say. Best we learn to choose our words carefully, which will lead to favourable resolutions as opposed to muscle our egos. People become drawn to people that make them feel good.

By letting go of ego-driven emotional attachment in our speech or worrying about “how it may sound”, or how we feel, we allow our words to flow more naturally if there is positive intent. Only then are we less likely to feel defeated when speaking.

Be that person!